I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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