Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
