do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We need a shit load of segways right now
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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