so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if only i could text you this smell
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
