I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
