You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my being single is dangerous.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
