her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
