I could have mohawked her pubes.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
