Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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