Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
