I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
