so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
