Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
