this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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