there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
