too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
