A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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