I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
