I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we're making bets on your personal life
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
