Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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