Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
