Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
