Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
youre lurking in front of me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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