my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
