im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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