so explain again why im purple
no
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
