break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
