Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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