Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
