You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
