If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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