My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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