Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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