I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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