shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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