Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
