I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
