He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
