Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
