DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sorry about my life...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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