Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
