I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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