Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
