May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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