How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
