I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
