You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
