I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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