ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
