I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
