You're so nebulous sometimes
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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