I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
