Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
