Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize