If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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