Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
