I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My cat gives me a boner
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize