He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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