Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
