well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
