Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
