Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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