Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
