he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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