none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
