I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
