You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
