if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
