I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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