i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
