It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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