If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
