He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
