I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He has the fingertips of a God
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
