I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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