she smelled like a LAN party
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
