Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
