so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
