clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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