She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
not ubering you a puppy
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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