Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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