Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
