My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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