She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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