I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Randomize
