no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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