I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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