Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
