I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
